I had a recurring dream last night that my entire self has been condensed to like an octopus tentacle or something like that. No arms or legs. Just had sort of and that's it. And I know it's a punishment for something and I get super upset about not being able to touch anyone ever again. And then I wake up panting.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Monday, October 26, 2015
Still 40 lbs gone
I suppose I should be happy I've lost 40 lbs. 40 lbs in about 40 days is pretty amazing. But I'm kind of sad that it's not continuing to come off. I've been on maintenance for about 2 weeks now. 1100-1300 calories a day with no sugar, breads, pasta, rice, corn, or potatoes. I thought it would be super hard to calorie count. I remember my mom doing calorie counting and it was an awful lot of brain power involved. I definitely do not have that right now. I downloaded an app on my phone called My Fitness Pal and it's kind of the greatest thing since sliced bread. For real. It has a barcode scanner and every food imaginable. The only thing I couldn't find was a barcode on a container of cherry tomatoes from Aldi. Really really impressive! And it has a bunch of restaurant meals. Today I got a salad at Panera without dressing and it had exactly how many calories it was. Seriously, it's kind of the best app ever. Zero thinking required. I'm a big fan! AND you can import online recipes. So if you're Pinterest obsessed, you can just zoink the recipe right from the internet into your program and BOOM! All the nutrition information! I couldn't do it without this app. So here's kind of a fluffy glowing review! If you even think you might want to calorie count, go get it now.
With the weight loss, I generally go up and down by a lb or two but don't consistently lose like I was on the second phase. I guess that's why they call it maintenance. I started doing the walking you're supposed to do now. Hopefully I can do it consistently over the winter and I'll see the weight continue to go down.
My thyroid has been jumpy too. I've gotten a few mild depressive episodes but I don't know what's going on with me anymore. Hubs swears that exercise will help me feel better and kind of pushes me. But I haven't really been sleeping well at night. Last night I got about 4 hours of sleep. Then today I went walking with Babes. We walked about 45 min. I can't really tell how fast I'm walking though. I felt like I was walking like "walking the dog" on the app but he says it was a leisurely pace. So I have no idea. Sometimes I wonder if a fit bit would be a good idea. But I want something that just zoinks to My Fitness Pal because it's really fantastic. The only thing I don't use it for is the water intake because I don't always drink 8 oz portions. And my water app is pretty and sloshy.
I've been still feeling like a whirlwind with Hubs religious thing. He said he doesn't want me to be involved in church because he doesn't want me to do it for the wrong reasons. He doesn't want me to do it just for him because he doesn't want me to be resentful. But I feel like if I don't go, how am I going to understand this thing that is suddenly so super important to him? I feel like he doesn't really put any weight to what I say religiously speaking because I'm not "one of them" I don't know. It's hard to explain. Still lots of turmoil in my life. Add to that us trying to rent out the house in PA so that we can actually live together. It's going to be an insane squeeze, all of us living in a tiny house in MD. But the public school has therapy services our son really needs from Hopkins right there on site. That's kind of huge. But that's a big big change. Between everything else that's been a big change, my mind can't keep up, so I'm getting random depressive bouts. And then my huge physical change is also messing with my head. Not necessarily in a bad way but it's too much all at once.
I'm hopeful tonight will be low key and I'll be able to stare into space until bed time. Then I"ll have to skip talking to Hubs most likely because I'm going to collapse into bed and not sleep. I mean....sleep.....yeah.
With the weight loss, I generally go up and down by a lb or two but don't consistently lose like I was on the second phase. I guess that's why they call it maintenance. I started doing the walking you're supposed to do now. Hopefully I can do it consistently over the winter and I'll see the weight continue to go down.
My thyroid has been jumpy too. I've gotten a few mild depressive episodes but I don't know what's going on with me anymore. Hubs swears that exercise will help me feel better and kind of pushes me. But I haven't really been sleeping well at night. Last night I got about 4 hours of sleep. Then today I went walking with Babes. We walked about 45 min. I can't really tell how fast I'm walking though. I felt like I was walking like "walking the dog" on the app but he says it was a leisurely pace. So I have no idea. Sometimes I wonder if a fit bit would be a good idea. But I want something that just zoinks to My Fitness Pal because it's really fantastic. The only thing I don't use it for is the water intake because I don't always drink 8 oz portions. And my water app is pretty and sloshy.
I've been still feeling like a whirlwind with Hubs religious thing. He said he doesn't want me to be involved in church because he doesn't want me to do it for the wrong reasons. He doesn't want me to do it just for him because he doesn't want me to be resentful. But I feel like if I don't go, how am I going to understand this thing that is suddenly so super important to him? I feel like he doesn't really put any weight to what I say religiously speaking because I'm not "one of them" I don't know. It's hard to explain. Still lots of turmoil in my life. Add to that us trying to rent out the house in PA so that we can actually live together. It's going to be an insane squeeze, all of us living in a tiny house in MD. But the public school has therapy services our son really needs from Hopkins right there on site. That's kind of huge. But that's a big big change. Between everything else that's been a big change, my mind can't keep up, so I'm getting random depressive bouts. And then my huge physical change is also messing with my head. Not necessarily in a bad way but it's too much all at once.
I'm hopeful tonight will be low key and I'll be able to stare into space until bed time. Then I"ll have to skip talking to Hubs most likely because I'm going to collapse into bed and not sleep. I mean....sleep.....yeah.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
40 lbs gone!
It's official! I'm down slightly over 40 lbs since the beginning of last month! It's kind of hard to believe!
I had a pair of Dansko shoes that didn't fit while pregnant with G or in September. They fit again! I bought new sneakers because I'm allowed to exercise in phase 3 of the diet. On Thursday! I'm excited to be able to move again! And the shoes were half a size smaller than my old sneakers!
Yesterday was my last injection. After that you have 2 more days of phase 2, the very low calorie part, before you can start phase 3, the maintenance part. Really excited!
In May, my triglycerides were 580. Right after the baby. Last week they were 230!! That's a big minus! It's still high but dropping like woah!
I'm trying to decide when is a good time to "go public" with the weight loss. Like on Facebook. I've been hesitant to tell people though I've been mentioning it to one at a time type thing. Honestly I'm not sure how many people read this blog or my Facebook so I probably shouldn't worry. I've learned the hard way that you don't say certain things on Facebook unless you like getting ripped up. The problem is that I can never tell what's "Facebook acceptable" for sure. I'm thinking of waiting until I'm 50 lbs gone and mentioning it. I haven't been this small in over 5 years! Of course, I'm still huge, but rapid progress is what I needed to be able to convince myself I can do this. And with hashimoto's, it's nearly impossible for me to lose weight. So this is a big enough deal that I sometimes just cry!
Saturday, October 10, 2015
In other news...
It's been a while since I've posted anything. My bipolar has really been kicking my butt. I had a few depressive episodes and wasn't really able to post anything. My pdoc doubled my meds and we're hoping they work. Unfortunately, with bp meds, you don't REALLY know if they work or not until you get another depressive episode. So they SEEM to be working. But I don't know for sure. It's scary way to live, but I won't live my life in fear. I'm trying to look past it and just keep on keeping on. There's always the option of going up to 300 mg. But if this med doesn't work, we have to try the scary meds. Like lithium. With lithium, they have to take your blood often to make sure the medication isn't poisoning your body. That's not my idea of a good time.
On a positive note, I got a new stroller! I might have a tiny stroller addiction. My old Combi, which I loved, was starting to crack a little. And it's not great for rough terrain. So we donated that one. I was sad to see it go. We still had the snap n go for the infant seat (which doesn't work because she's too fat for the infant seat) and the Emmaljunga stroller. The Emma is amazing but not really portable. So I found a Phil & Ted with a double kit online! We went to PG county and bought it for $100! That's a nice stroller! I've wanted a Phil & Ted since before I had kids! So baby fits in it really nicely and the double kid kind of makes it very resellable when she grows out of it. It's a total win!
As for the religious thing, I still continue to be baffled by Christianity as a whole. I don't think it's something I'm ever going to fully understand. I still have to google half the words I read and people say. It's like there's some special Christian language that people grow up with and they just expect everyone to know. Well I don't know it! And it really confuses me. Hubs is still trying to learn and grow as much as he can. He wants to do church and all that. I go along and try and support him. The sermons are usually understandable for the most part. I have this bible app thing on my phone and I try to read a little bit from their "plans" every day. Lately, with the depressive episodes, I haven't been able to really read that stuff. It's not, as a friend put it, light reading. So I've been trying to distract myself from myself and reading books instead.
The diet is still going. I'm not sure I have enough of the shot to last until it's supposed to. I have 4 needles left which means I should have 4 days of the shot. In the jar thing it sure doesn't look like 4 days of the shot. I wonder if I've been using it wrong.... I don't know. It looks like maybe I have one day left. I'm hoping there's 2 days because I can't be doing the maintenance phase on a driving day. I need at least a few days to try it before I drive while doing it! The maintenance phase requires calorie counting and thinking. I kind of want to just stay on the 500 calories a day thing. That's no thinking at all. Drink water, 4 oz of protein, hand full of veg, twice a day, 2 fruits. Easy peasy. The other one you have a calorie range and you have to try and get 30 grams of protein every meal. And you're eating 3 meals. But this is the most important part because it's resetting your hypothalamus to not suck.
I've lost a total of almost 40 lbs! When I say almost 40 lbs, I mean I'm .8 lbs away from 40 lbs lost! And I haven't even started the maintenance phase! During that phase you're allowed to exercise. So I'm gonna use that stroller and try to walk every day. Hopefully I don't get asphyxiated by all the smokers. Ew. Maybe drive to a trail after taking kids to school and walking in the afternoon with the kids when we're in MD. I don't know how the weather is going to hold out in PA, but here's hoping! I fit into a lot of things now. I've lost weight before but only in a few places. The nice thing about this diet is that I have lost weight EVERYWHERE! I used to have a problem with things fitting me because my stupid shoulders were too broad. Things fit me again! So I can buy a raincoat and just walk in the rain with the babes. Hopefully we can still walk in the winter too! I'm looking forward to it. I've found with the low cal phase of the diet, any physical activity actually slows weight loss. So sitting like a lump is better than doing much. I'm actually looking forward to not sitting like a lump. Hopefully that'll help ward of depression too. Though it will make it even harder to tell if the meds are working.
The dr said that I could use another 10 ish lbs during the maintenance phase. Honestly I was hoping for 40 lbs total including both phases. It seems like that is going to be a reality! Like it's actually doable! So I'm really excited!
I have been having peeling fingers and feet the last few weeks. The doctor ordered a thyroid test again. Might have to bump it up again. And he checked my cholesterol. I want to see how my levels have changed since losing so much weight and being on the krill oil supplement.
Today is my oldest son's birthday. He's 12 years old today! Kind of shocks me that I have a kid that old! I usually do a photo album update thing on Facebook but I haven't gotten a picture of him yet! He has a friend over and they're upstairs playing :)
Our new doctor (the same one who does the diet with me) did physicals for all the kids. They have a conference room for large families. I think doctors in an area with a large Mennonite population is definitely the way to go! He did the check ups and had only nice things to say. Which is quite a change from all the traditional doctors who had nothing but gloom and doom. He did say that we should try and limit gluten for the kids. Hubs is taking that to mean cut out completely and is reading stuff about gut damage and all that. And now he's trying to cut out gmo corn and soy. He said something about how the gmo damages the gut so gluten leaks into the blood stream and screws people up. So he's been gung how about trying to cut out gluten entirely. I'm not sure that needs to be done, but whatever works. It's a challenge for cooking and I like that :) Except I'm not making my own pie crusts. That's a major pain in the ass and when they have decent ones ready made? You better believe it that I'm gonna buy it.
Now the kids have migrated downstairs and are all playing Minecraft downstairs. :) I should start some cookies!
On a positive note, I got a new stroller! I might have a tiny stroller addiction. My old Combi, which I loved, was starting to crack a little. And it's not great for rough terrain. So we donated that one. I was sad to see it go. We still had the snap n go for the infant seat (which doesn't work because she's too fat for the infant seat) and the Emmaljunga stroller. The Emma is amazing but not really portable. So I found a Phil & Ted with a double kit online! We went to PG county and bought it for $100! That's a nice stroller! I've wanted a Phil & Ted since before I had kids! So baby fits in it really nicely and the double kid kind of makes it very resellable when she grows out of it. It's a total win!
As for the religious thing, I still continue to be baffled by Christianity as a whole. I don't think it's something I'm ever going to fully understand. I still have to google half the words I read and people say. It's like there's some special Christian language that people grow up with and they just expect everyone to know. Well I don't know it! And it really confuses me. Hubs is still trying to learn and grow as much as he can. He wants to do church and all that. I go along and try and support him. The sermons are usually understandable for the most part. I have this bible app thing on my phone and I try to read a little bit from their "plans" every day. Lately, with the depressive episodes, I haven't been able to really read that stuff. It's not, as a friend put it, light reading. So I've been trying to distract myself from myself and reading books instead.
The diet is still going. I'm not sure I have enough of the shot to last until it's supposed to. I have 4 needles left which means I should have 4 days of the shot. In the jar thing it sure doesn't look like 4 days of the shot. I wonder if I've been using it wrong.... I don't know. It looks like maybe I have one day left. I'm hoping there's 2 days because I can't be doing the maintenance phase on a driving day. I need at least a few days to try it before I drive while doing it! The maintenance phase requires calorie counting and thinking. I kind of want to just stay on the 500 calories a day thing. That's no thinking at all. Drink water, 4 oz of protein, hand full of veg, twice a day, 2 fruits. Easy peasy. The other one you have a calorie range and you have to try and get 30 grams of protein every meal. And you're eating 3 meals. But this is the most important part because it's resetting your hypothalamus to not suck.
I've lost a total of almost 40 lbs! When I say almost 40 lbs, I mean I'm .8 lbs away from 40 lbs lost! And I haven't even started the maintenance phase! During that phase you're allowed to exercise. So I'm gonna use that stroller and try to walk every day. Hopefully I don't get asphyxiated by all the smokers. Ew. Maybe drive to a trail after taking kids to school and walking in the afternoon with the kids when we're in MD. I don't know how the weather is going to hold out in PA, but here's hoping! I fit into a lot of things now. I've lost weight before but only in a few places. The nice thing about this diet is that I have lost weight EVERYWHERE! I used to have a problem with things fitting me because my stupid shoulders were too broad. Things fit me again! So I can buy a raincoat and just walk in the rain with the babes. Hopefully we can still walk in the winter too! I'm looking forward to it. I've found with the low cal phase of the diet, any physical activity actually slows weight loss. So sitting like a lump is better than doing much. I'm actually looking forward to not sitting like a lump. Hopefully that'll help ward of depression too. Though it will make it even harder to tell if the meds are working.
The dr said that I could use another 10 ish lbs during the maintenance phase. Honestly I was hoping for 40 lbs total including both phases. It seems like that is going to be a reality! Like it's actually doable! So I'm really excited!
I have been having peeling fingers and feet the last few weeks. The doctor ordered a thyroid test again. Might have to bump it up again. And he checked my cholesterol. I want to see how my levels have changed since losing so much weight and being on the krill oil supplement.
Today is my oldest son's birthday. He's 12 years old today! Kind of shocks me that I have a kid that old! I usually do a photo album update thing on Facebook but I haven't gotten a picture of him yet! He has a friend over and they're upstairs playing :)
Our new doctor (the same one who does the diet with me) did physicals for all the kids. They have a conference room for large families. I think doctors in an area with a large Mennonite population is definitely the way to go! He did the check ups and had only nice things to say. Which is quite a change from all the traditional doctors who had nothing but gloom and doom. He did say that we should try and limit gluten for the kids. Hubs is taking that to mean cut out completely and is reading stuff about gut damage and all that. And now he's trying to cut out gmo corn and soy. He said something about how the gmo damages the gut so gluten leaks into the blood stream and screws people up. So he's been gung how about trying to cut out gluten entirely. I'm not sure that needs to be done, but whatever works. It's a challenge for cooking and I like that :) Except I'm not making my own pie crusts. That's a major pain in the ass and when they have decent ones ready made? You better believe it that I'm gonna buy it.
Now the kids have migrated downstairs and are all playing Minecraft downstairs. :) I should start some cookies!
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Body changes
Before I started this diet, and several years early, I had lordosis. Basically that means my back dent was really deep and my spine was kind of J shaped. My tailbone was always in need of cracking and it was awful.
I've lost enough weight now that my back dent is almost gone. I guess the diagnosis would be gone too! And I've been cracking my back a LOT more. In fact, I can now crack my tailbone while sitting on the toilet, which is just about the most awesome thing ever. It's the little things, right?
Google says that back pain is a common symptom of losing weight quickly. I'm right there in the normal camp with that. My back is constantly in pain all the way from my hips and butt to my shoulders. Supposedly your body gets "comfortable" being fat and when you change it your body has to compensate. But that's ok! I'll deal with pain for a bit.
I had another food dream last night. It was pretty fabulous! We were at a parade in Chinatown and it was awesome and huge. But it was kind of like mardi gras. Instead of throwing beads, they were throwing wontons and egg rolls. I was jumping around and catching them in my mouth! It was amazing :D
I would most definitely like to have that dream again. Maybe nightly.
I've lost enough weight now that my back dent is almost gone. I guess the diagnosis would be gone too! And I've been cracking my back a LOT more. In fact, I can now crack my tailbone while sitting on the toilet, which is just about the most awesome thing ever. It's the little things, right?
Google says that back pain is a common symptom of losing weight quickly. I'm right there in the normal camp with that. My back is constantly in pain all the way from my hips and butt to my shoulders. Supposedly your body gets "comfortable" being fat and when you change it your body has to compensate. But that's ok! I'll deal with pain for a bit.
I had another food dream last night. It was pretty fabulous! We were at a parade in Chinatown and it was awesome and huge. But it was kind of like mardi gras. Instead of throwing beads, they were throwing wontons and egg rolls. I was jumping around and catching them in my mouth! It was amazing :D
I would most definitely like to have that dream again. Maybe nightly.
Friday, September 18, 2015
20 lbs gone!
It's official! I've lost over 20 lbs! My morning weigh in was .3 lbs less than my start weight :) And it's day 11 of the diet part of the diet. This is amazing to me. I doubt the next 11 days will lose as much, which makes me sad. And today I lost less than I had been losing. But I forgot to drink enough water. I'm shooting for at least 96 oz a day. Bare minimum is 64. I figure 96 is a nice half way between the minimum and a gallon. In MD, the bathroom is upstairs so going potty a million times a day is a work out ;)
Yesterday I tried to spice things up too. I used coconut pam spray (which my doctor said is fine) and "fried" some sea bass. It had an herb crust and tasted too good to be allowed on the plan. Oh my, that was frickin amazing!
I also broke out my ginger and garlic and "fried" it up with some weird greens I found at the Chinese grocery store. They were green and purple and called red something. I mixed those up with some shrimp and it was wonderful!
Yesterday was also the first day that I really didn't feel hungry. We were running around shopping. Thrift store (on 50% off day! Yay!!!), Target, and grocery stores. Run run run! Which is probably why I forgot to drink enough.
Also my scale is acting weird. Hubs said if this works for me, He'll do it with me in January. So I'm thinking we need better scales if he's going to do it too. We got the cheapy Walmart scales for like $17 and got 2 of them. This morning I weighed myself 7 times. Twice I got a .6 loss, twice I got a .2 gain, and three times I got a 1 lb loss. I figured I'd take the number I got the most.
Does anyone have a scale they recommend?
Yesterday I tried to spice things up too. I used coconut pam spray (which my doctor said is fine) and "fried" some sea bass. It had an herb crust and tasted too good to be allowed on the plan. Oh my, that was frickin amazing!
I also broke out my ginger and garlic and "fried" it up with some weird greens I found at the Chinese grocery store. They were green and purple and called red something. I mixed those up with some shrimp and it was wonderful!
Yesterday was also the first day that I really didn't feel hungry. We were running around shopping. Thrift store (on 50% off day! Yay!!!), Target, and grocery stores. Run run run! Which is probably why I forgot to drink enough.
Also my scale is acting weird. Hubs said if this works for me, He'll do it with me in January. So I'm thinking we need better scales if he's going to do it too. We got the cheapy Walmart scales for like $17 and got 2 of them. This morning I weighed myself 7 times. Twice I got a .6 loss, twice I got a .2 gain, and three times I got a 1 lb loss. I figured I'd take the number I got the most.
Does anyone have a scale they recommend?
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