I had a recurring dream last night that my entire self has been condensed to like an octopus tentacle or something like that. No arms or legs. Just had sort of and that's it. And I know it's a punishment for something and I get super upset about not being able to touch anyone ever again. And then I wake up panting.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Monday, October 26, 2015
Still 40 lbs gone
I suppose I should be happy I've lost 40 lbs. 40 lbs in about 40 days is pretty amazing. But I'm kind of sad that it's not continuing to come off. I've been on maintenance for about 2 weeks now. 1100-1300 calories a day with no sugar, breads, pasta, rice, corn, or potatoes. I thought it would be super hard to calorie count. I remember my mom doing calorie counting and it was an awful lot of brain power involved. I definitely do not have that right now. I downloaded an app on my phone called My Fitness Pal and it's kind of the greatest thing since sliced bread. For real. It has a barcode scanner and every food imaginable. The only thing I couldn't find was a barcode on a container of cherry tomatoes from Aldi. Really really impressive! And it has a bunch of restaurant meals. Today I got a salad at Panera without dressing and it had exactly how many calories it was. Seriously, it's kind of the best app ever. Zero thinking required. I'm a big fan! AND you can import online recipes. So if you're Pinterest obsessed, you can just zoink the recipe right from the internet into your program and BOOM! All the nutrition information! I couldn't do it without this app. So here's kind of a fluffy glowing review! If you even think you might want to calorie count, go get it now.
With the weight loss, I generally go up and down by a lb or two but don't consistently lose like I was on the second phase. I guess that's why they call it maintenance. I started doing the walking you're supposed to do now. Hopefully I can do it consistently over the winter and I'll see the weight continue to go down.
My thyroid has been jumpy too. I've gotten a few mild depressive episodes but I don't know what's going on with me anymore. Hubs swears that exercise will help me feel better and kind of pushes me. But I haven't really been sleeping well at night. Last night I got about 4 hours of sleep. Then today I went walking with Babes. We walked about 45 min. I can't really tell how fast I'm walking though. I felt like I was walking like "walking the dog" on the app but he says it was a leisurely pace. So I have no idea. Sometimes I wonder if a fit bit would be a good idea. But I want something that just zoinks to My Fitness Pal because it's really fantastic. The only thing I don't use it for is the water intake because I don't always drink 8 oz portions. And my water app is pretty and sloshy.
I've been still feeling like a whirlwind with Hubs religious thing. He said he doesn't want me to be involved in church because he doesn't want me to do it for the wrong reasons. He doesn't want me to do it just for him because he doesn't want me to be resentful. But I feel like if I don't go, how am I going to understand this thing that is suddenly so super important to him? I feel like he doesn't really put any weight to what I say religiously speaking because I'm not "one of them" I don't know. It's hard to explain. Still lots of turmoil in my life. Add to that us trying to rent out the house in PA so that we can actually live together. It's going to be an insane squeeze, all of us living in a tiny house in MD. But the public school has therapy services our son really needs from Hopkins right there on site. That's kind of huge. But that's a big big change. Between everything else that's been a big change, my mind can't keep up, so I'm getting random depressive bouts. And then my huge physical change is also messing with my head. Not necessarily in a bad way but it's too much all at once.
I'm hopeful tonight will be low key and I'll be able to stare into space until bed time. Then I"ll have to skip talking to Hubs most likely because I'm going to collapse into bed and not sleep. I mean....sleep.....yeah.
With the weight loss, I generally go up and down by a lb or two but don't consistently lose like I was on the second phase. I guess that's why they call it maintenance. I started doing the walking you're supposed to do now. Hopefully I can do it consistently over the winter and I'll see the weight continue to go down.
My thyroid has been jumpy too. I've gotten a few mild depressive episodes but I don't know what's going on with me anymore. Hubs swears that exercise will help me feel better and kind of pushes me. But I haven't really been sleeping well at night. Last night I got about 4 hours of sleep. Then today I went walking with Babes. We walked about 45 min. I can't really tell how fast I'm walking though. I felt like I was walking like "walking the dog" on the app but he says it was a leisurely pace. So I have no idea. Sometimes I wonder if a fit bit would be a good idea. But I want something that just zoinks to My Fitness Pal because it's really fantastic. The only thing I don't use it for is the water intake because I don't always drink 8 oz portions. And my water app is pretty and sloshy.
I've been still feeling like a whirlwind with Hubs religious thing. He said he doesn't want me to be involved in church because he doesn't want me to do it for the wrong reasons. He doesn't want me to do it just for him because he doesn't want me to be resentful. But I feel like if I don't go, how am I going to understand this thing that is suddenly so super important to him? I feel like he doesn't really put any weight to what I say religiously speaking because I'm not "one of them" I don't know. It's hard to explain. Still lots of turmoil in my life. Add to that us trying to rent out the house in PA so that we can actually live together. It's going to be an insane squeeze, all of us living in a tiny house in MD. But the public school has therapy services our son really needs from Hopkins right there on site. That's kind of huge. But that's a big big change. Between everything else that's been a big change, my mind can't keep up, so I'm getting random depressive bouts. And then my huge physical change is also messing with my head. Not necessarily in a bad way but it's too much all at once.
I'm hopeful tonight will be low key and I'll be able to stare into space until bed time. Then I"ll have to skip talking to Hubs most likely because I'm going to collapse into bed and not sleep. I mean....sleep.....yeah.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
40 lbs gone!
It's official! I'm down slightly over 40 lbs since the beginning of last month! It's kind of hard to believe!
I had a pair of Dansko shoes that didn't fit while pregnant with G or in September. They fit again! I bought new sneakers because I'm allowed to exercise in phase 3 of the diet. On Thursday! I'm excited to be able to move again! And the shoes were half a size smaller than my old sneakers!
Yesterday was my last injection. After that you have 2 more days of phase 2, the very low calorie part, before you can start phase 3, the maintenance part. Really excited!
In May, my triglycerides were 580. Right after the baby. Last week they were 230!! That's a big minus! It's still high but dropping like woah!
I'm trying to decide when is a good time to "go public" with the weight loss. Like on Facebook. I've been hesitant to tell people though I've been mentioning it to one at a time type thing. Honestly I'm not sure how many people read this blog or my Facebook so I probably shouldn't worry. I've learned the hard way that you don't say certain things on Facebook unless you like getting ripped up. The problem is that I can never tell what's "Facebook acceptable" for sure. I'm thinking of waiting until I'm 50 lbs gone and mentioning it. I haven't been this small in over 5 years! Of course, I'm still huge, but rapid progress is what I needed to be able to convince myself I can do this. And with hashimoto's, it's nearly impossible for me to lose weight. So this is a big enough deal that I sometimes just cry!
Saturday, October 10, 2015
In other news...
It's been a while since I've posted anything. My bipolar has really been kicking my butt. I had a few depressive episodes and wasn't really able to post anything. My pdoc doubled my meds and we're hoping they work. Unfortunately, with bp meds, you don't REALLY know if they work or not until you get another depressive episode. So they SEEM to be working. But I don't know for sure. It's scary way to live, but I won't live my life in fear. I'm trying to look past it and just keep on keeping on. There's always the option of going up to 300 mg. But if this med doesn't work, we have to try the scary meds. Like lithium. With lithium, they have to take your blood often to make sure the medication isn't poisoning your body. That's not my idea of a good time.
On a positive note, I got a new stroller! I might have a tiny stroller addiction. My old Combi, which I loved, was starting to crack a little. And it's not great for rough terrain. So we donated that one. I was sad to see it go. We still had the snap n go for the infant seat (which doesn't work because she's too fat for the infant seat) and the Emmaljunga stroller. The Emma is amazing but not really portable. So I found a Phil & Ted with a double kit online! We went to PG county and bought it for $100! That's a nice stroller! I've wanted a Phil & Ted since before I had kids! So baby fits in it really nicely and the double kid kind of makes it very resellable when she grows out of it. It's a total win!
As for the religious thing, I still continue to be baffled by Christianity as a whole. I don't think it's something I'm ever going to fully understand. I still have to google half the words I read and people say. It's like there's some special Christian language that people grow up with and they just expect everyone to know. Well I don't know it! And it really confuses me. Hubs is still trying to learn and grow as much as he can. He wants to do church and all that. I go along and try and support him. The sermons are usually understandable for the most part. I have this bible app thing on my phone and I try to read a little bit from their "plans" every day. Lately, with the depressive episodes, I haven't been able to really read that stuff. It's not, as a friend put it, light reading. So I've been trying to distract myself from myself and reading books instead.
The diet is still going. I'm not sure I have enough of the shot to last until it's supposed to. I have 4 needles left which means I should have 4 days of the shot. In the jar thing it sure doesn't look like 4 days of the shot. I wonder if I've been using it wrong.... I don't know. It looks like maybe I have one day left. I'm hoping there's 2 days because I can't be doing the maintenance phase on a driving day. I need at least a few days to try it before I drive while doing it! The maintenance phase requires calorie counting and thinking. I kind of want to just stay on the 500 calories a day thing. That's no thinking at all. Drink water, 4 oz of protein, hand full of veg, twice a day, 2 fruits. Easy peasy. The other one you have a calorie range and you have to try and get 30 grams of protein every meal. And you're eating 3 meals. But this is the most important part because it's resetting your hypothalamus to not suck.
I've lost a total of almost 40 lbs! When I say almost 40 lbs, I mean I'm .8 lbs away from 40 lbs lost! And I haven't even started the maintenance phase! During that phase you're allowed to exercise. So I'm gonna use that stroller and try to walk every day. Hopefully I don't get asphyxiated by all the smokers. Ew. Maybe drive to a trail after taking kids to school and walking in the afternoon with the kids when we're in MD. I don't know how the weather is going to hold out in PA, but here's hoping! I fit into a lot of things now. I've lost weight before but only in a few places. The nice thing about this diet is that I have lost weight EVERYWHERE! I used to have a problem with things fitting me because my stupid shoulders were too broad. Things fit me again! So I can buy a raincoat and just walk in the rain with the babes. Hopefully we can still walk in the winter too! I'm looking forward to it. I've found with the low cal phase of the diet, any physical activity actually slows weight loss. So sitting like a lump is better than doing much. I'm actually looking forward to not sitting like a lump. Hopefully that'll help ward of depression too. Though it will make it even harder to tell if the meds are working.
The dr said that I could use another 10 ish lbs during the maintenance phase. Honestly I was hoping for 40 lbs total including both phases. It seems like that is going to be a reality! Like it's actually doable! So I'm really excited!
I have been having peeling fingers and feet the last few weeks. The doctor ordered a thyroid test again. Might have to bump it up again. And he checked my cholesterol. I want to see how my levels have changed since losing so much weight and being on the krill oil supplement.
Today is my oldest son's birthday. He's 12 years old today! Kind of shocks me that I have a kid that old! I usually do a photo album update thing on Facebook but I haven't gotten a picture of him yet! He has a friend over and they're upstairs playing :)
Our new doctor (the same one who does the diet with me) did physicals for all the kids. They have a conference room for large families. I think doctors in an area with a large Mennonite population is definitely the way to go! He did the check ups and had only nice things to say. Which is quite a change from all the traditional doctors who had nothing but gloom and doom. He did say that we should try and limit gluten for the kids. Hubs is taking that to mean cut out completely and is reading stuff about gut damage and all that. And now he's trying to cut out gmo corn and soy. He said something about how the gmo damages the gut so gluten leaks into the blood stream and screws people up. So he's been gung how about trying to cut out gluten entirely. I'm not sure that needs to be done, but whatever works. It's a challenge for cooking and I like that :) Except I'm not making my own pie crusts. That's a major pain in the ass and when they have decent ones ready made? You better believe it that I'm gonna buy it.
Now the kids have migrated downstairs and are all playing Minecraft downstairs. :) I should start some cookies!
On a positive note, I got a new stroller! I might have a tiny stroller addiction. My old Combi, which I loved, was starting to crack a little. And it's not great for rough terrain. So we donated that one. I was sad to see it go. We still had the snap n go for the infant seat (which doesn't work because she's too fat for the infant seat) and the Emmaljunga stroller. The Emma is amazing but not really portable. So I found a Phil & Ted with a double kit online! We went to PG county and bought it for $100! That's a nice stroller! I've wanted a Phil & Ted since before I had kids! So baby fits in it really nicely and the double kid kind of makes it very resellable when she grows out of it. It's a total win!
As for the religious thing, I still continue to be baffled by Christianity as a whole. I don't think it's something I'm ever going to fully understand. I still have to google half the words I read and people say. It's like there's some special Christian language that people grow up with and they just expect everyone to know. Well I don't know it! And it really confuses me. Hubs is still trying to learn and grow as much as he can. He wants to do church and all that. I go along and try and support him. The sermons are usually understandable for the most part. I have this bible app thing on my phone and I try to read a little bit from their "plans" every day. Lately, with the depressive episodes, I haven't been able to really read that stuff. It's not, as a friend put it, light reading. So I've been trying to distract myself from myself and reading books instead.
The diet is still going. I'm not sure I have enough of the shot to last until it's supposed to. I have 4 needles left which means I should have 4 days of the shot. In the jar thing it sure doesn't look like 4 days of the shot. I wonder if I've been using it wrong.... I don't know. It looks like maybe I have one day left. I'm hoping there's 2 days because I can't be doing the maintenance phase on a driving day. I need at least a few days to try it before I drive while doing it! The maintenance phase requires calorie counting and thinking. I kind of want to just stay on the 500 calories a day thing. That's no thinking at all. Drink water, 4 oz of protein, hand full of veg, twice a day, 2 fruits. Easy peasy. The other one you have a calorie range and you have to try and get 30 grams of protein every meal. And you're eating 3 meals. But this is the most important part because it's resetting your hypothalamus to not suck.
I've lost a total of almost 40 lbs! When I say almost 40 lbs, I mean I'm .8 lbs away from 40 lbs lost! And I haven't even started the maintenance phase! During that phase you're allowed to exercise. So I'm gonna use that stroller and try to walk every day. Hopefully I don't get asphyxiated by all the smokers. Ew. Maybe drive to a trail after taking kids to school and walking in the afternoon with the kids when we're in MD. I don't know how the weather is going to hold out in PA, but here's hoping! I fit into a lot of things now. I've lost weight before but only in a few places. The nice thing about this diet is that I have lost weight EVERYWHERE! I used to have a problem with things fitting me because my stupid shoulders were too broad. Things fit me again! So I can buy a raincoat and just walk in the rain with the babes. Hopefully we can still walk in the winter too! I'm looking forward to it. I've found with the low cal phase of the diet, any physical activity actually slows weight loss. So sitting like a lump is better than doing much. I'm actually looking forward to not sitting like a lump. Hopefully that'll help ward of depression too. Though it will make it even harder to tell if the meds are working.
The dr said that I could use another 10 ish lbs during the maintenance phase. Honestly I was hoping for 40 lbs total including both phases. It seems like that is going to be a reality! Like it's actually doable! So I'm really excited!
I have been having peeling fingers and feet the last few weeks. The doctor ordered a thyroid test again. Might have to bump it up again. And he checked my cholesterol. I want to see how my levels have changed since losing so much weight and being on the krill oil supplement.
Today is my oldest son's birthday. He's 12 years old today! Kind of shocks me that I have a kid that old! I usually do a photo album update thing on Facebook but I haven't gotten a picture of him yet! He has a friend over and they're upstairs playing :)
Our new doctor (the same one who does the diet with me) did physicals for all the kids. They have a conference room for large families. I think doctors in an area with a large Mennonite population is definitely the way to go! He did the check ups and had only nice things to say. Which is quite a change from all the traditional doctors who had nothing but gloom and doom. He did say that we should try and limit gluten for the kids. Hubs is taking that to mean cut out completely and is reading stuff about gut damage and all that. And now he's trying to cut out gmo corn and soy. He said something about how the gmo damages the gut so gluten leaks into the blood stream and screws people up. So he's been gung how about trying to cut out gluten entirely. I'm not sure that needs to be done, but whatever works. It's a challenge for cooking and I like that :) Except I'm not making my own pie crusts. That's a major pain in the ass and when they have decent ones ready made? You better believe it that I'm gonna buy it.
Now the kids have migrated downstairs and are all playing Minecraft downstairs. :) I should start some cookies!
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Body changes
Before I started this diet, and several years early, I had lordosis. Basically that means my back dent was really deep and my spine was kind of J shaped. My tailbone was always in need of cracking and it was awful.
I've lost enough weight now that my back dent is almost gone. I guess the diagnosis would be gone too! And I've been cracking my back a LOT more. In fact, I can now crack my tailbone while sitting on the toilet, which is just about the most awesome thing ever. It's the little things, right?
Google says that back pain is a common symptom of losing weight quickly. I'm right there in the normal camp with that. My back is constantly in pain all the way from my hips and butt to my shoulders. Supposedly your body gets "comfortable" being fat and when you change it your body has to compensate. But that's ok! I'll deal with pain for a bit.
I had another food dream last night. It was pretty fabulous! We were at a parade in Chinatown and it was awesome and huge. But it was kind of like mardi gras. Instead of throwing beads, they were throwing wontons and egg rolls. I was jumping around and catching them in my mouth! It was amazing :D
I would most definitely like to have that dream again. Maybe nightly.
I've lost enough weight now that my back dent is almost gone. I guess the diagnosis would be gone too! And I've been cracking my back a LOT more. In fact, I can now crack my tailbone while sitting on the toilet, which is just about the most awesome thing ever. It's the little things, right?
Google says that back pain is a common symptom of losing weight quickly. I'm right there in the normal camp with that. My back is constantly in pain all the way from my hips and butt to my shoulders. Supposedly your body gets "comfortable" being fat and when you change it your body has to compensate. But that's ok! I'll deal with pain for a bit.
I had another food dream last night. It was pretty fabulous! We were at a parade in Chinatown and it was awesome and huge. But it was kind of like mardi gras. Instead of throwing beads, they were throwing wontons and egg rolls. I was jumping around and catching them in my mouth! It was amazing :D
I would most definitely like to have that dream again. Maybe nightly.
Friday, September 18, 2015
20 lbs gone!
It's official! I've lost over 20 lbs! My morning weigh in was .3 lbs less than my start weight :) And it's day 11 of the diet part of the diet. This is amazing to me. I doubt the next 11 days will lose as much, which makes me sad. And today I lost less than I had been losing. But I forgot to drink enough water. I'm shooting for at least 96 oz a day. Bare minimum is 64. I figure 96 is a nice half way between the minimum and a gallon. In MD, the bathroom is upstairs so going potty a million times a day is a work out ;)
Yesterday I tried to spice things up too. I used coconut pam spray (which my doctor said is fine) and "fried" some sea bass. It had an herb crust and tasted too good to be allowed on the plan. Oh my, that was frickin amazing!
I also broke out my ginger and garlic and "fried" it up with some weird greens I found at the Chinese grocery store. They were green and purple and called red something. I mixed those up with some shrimp and it was wonderful!
Yesterday was also the first day that I really didn't feel hungry. We were running around shopping. Thrift store (on 50% off day! Yay!!!), Target, and grocery stores. Run run run! Which is probably why I forgot to drink enough.
Also my scale is acting weird. Hubs said if this works for me, He'll do it with me in January. So I'm thinking we need better scales if he's going to do it too. We got the cheapy Walmart scales for like $17 and got 2 of them. This morning I weighed myself 7 times. Twice I got a .6 loss, twice I got a .2 gain, and three times I got a 1 lb loss. I figured I'd take the number I got the most.
Does anyone have a scale they recommend?
Yesterday I tried to spice things up too. I used coconut pam spray (which my doctor said is fine) and "fried" some sea bass. It had an herb crust and tasted too good to be allowed on the plan. Oh my, that was frickin amazing!
I also broke out my ginger and garlic and "fried" it up with some weird greens I found at the Chinese grocery store. They were green and purple and called red something. I mixed those up with some shrimp and it was wonderful!
Yesterday was also the first day that I really didn't feel hungry. We were running around shopping. Thrift store (on 50% off day! Yay!!!), Target, and grocery stores. Run run run! Which is probably why I forgot to drink enough.
Also my scale is acting weird. Hubs said if this works for me, He'll do it with me in January. So I'm thinking we need better scales if he's going to do it too. We got the cheapy Walmart scales for like $17 and got 2 of them. This morning I weighed myself 7 times. Twice I got a .6 loss, twice I got a .2 gain, and three times I got a 1 lb loss. I figured I'd take the number I got the most.
Does anyone have a scale they recommend?
Monday, September 14, 2015
First measurements!
The results are in! It's been a full week and I'm down 15.2 lbs!
Arms are 1/4 inch smaller, thighs are 1 1/4 inch smaller, hips are 1/4 inch smaller, waist is 2 inches smaller, and I messed up chest measurements. From now on I'm going to measure under the boobs instead of on them. I think that's more accurate.
There's quite a lot of room for error because I don't have a measuring tape in this house. So I used a ribbon and a tape measure. I got all MacGyver on it!
I still can't see results. I think I'd have to look at pictures side by side. And my clothes don't really fit differently because all my clothes are lazy clothes. And I hate clothes that touch me. So the shirts are all lose and the pants are all elastic. I guess we'll continue to see!
Saturday, September 12, 2015
The fat just walks away....
 |
| This is going on every night....the fat just walks away. |
So yesterday was really hard. I was REALLY craving pasta and bread. Especially since I tried a new recipe on the fam that was pretty amazing smelling.
Today I'm having a little "bake-down" my husband calls it.
I've noticed that I weigh about 3-5 lbs more at night. And then in the morning, I lose like 1-3 lbs. That seems to be the trend. I don't know what else it could be. It doesn't make sense.
Since we've been back in PA, the weight loss has been slowing. Today I lost a little less than a lb. And had a bad nightmare about being fat. I'll go into details about that in a min. So hubby thinks that the water is to blame. In MD, we've been getting super filtered magical water from Mom's Organic Market. And the weight loss there was like 3-4 lbs. Now granted, that was only 3 weigh ins before we drove back to PA, but still. That's a pretty big minus. So here, we just have fridge filtered water. And hubs thinks it's not good enough. I've been having poopie problems since we've gotten back, which could be water related because lord knows I'm not eating enough to have issues. And the weight loss has slowed to less than 2 lbs. It could be that my body is adjusting to steady weight loss, but he thinks it's the water causing issues. He said it's not filtered as nicely as the fancy water so I'm getting stupid chemicals. I guess we'll wait until I'm back in MD to test his theory. What do you guys think?
Now, back to the dream. I dreamed that I was a girl in school named Carrie (no, not like the horror film) but it was first person. Like I wasn't Carrie, but I was Carrie. And everyone was awful to me and kept taking all my clothes. So I had to sit in a corner and cry with my back pack and a hand towel. All the nice girls who offered me their spare clothes to wear were much smaller than me so I couldn't fit into any of them. I/Carrie was too fat to fit into any of the clothes. So I had to wear the male gym teacher's spare gym stuff and I ran home crying because I was so sad. And then at home, I had a major binge fest on fresh grapes and bananas. Crazy right? So what am I doing today? I'm baking like crazy. Totally sensible. In my head.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Am I going crazy?
I'm a fat girl at heart. I love food. I have amazing dreams about food. I had a dream about a dessert buffet! One of my most favorite dreams ever! Can someone please make that a reality in the DC area? PLEASE!?
Anyway, so I eat a lot. And I LOVE eating. When the doctor told me this diet was only 500 calories a day, I thought he was crazy and I'd be famished constantly. I certainly thought that the last few days.
The food I've been eating is delicious! It's simple wholesome foods. I don't mind what I'm allowed to have. It's not much, but it's yummy and I'm happy with it. There's no depressed "go eat your salad and be miserable" thing going on here.
Here's an example of my food for the day:
Breakfast - an apple
Lunch - 4 oz of shrimp and a cucumber
Snack - an orange
Dinner - 4 oz of boneless skinless chicken with broccoli
See? Yummy! And today I did some batch cooking. I portioned out bags of fresh green beans for dinner/lunches and cooked beef and flounder! Then put 4 oz of each in a container and they're all in the fridge. Hubs says that if I can stick with this positively, he'll do it in early 2015. I'm thinking I'll probably do another round because I've got a ridiculous amount to lose.
So today I was hungry at breakfast. When I ate my apple, I was fine. I wasn't hungry all day! It's great! It really made me realize how much we eat because we're bored or it's time. And it's not bored like "nothing to do" It's more bored like "well, I'm done the work, may as well eat now. And later. And in between."
The biggest thing though, where I think I'm going crazy, is that I had a TON of energy! My head is tired but my body was going and going and going. I cleaned out the pantry and reorganized it, grocery shopping, batch cooked, cooked breakfast burritos for hubby, and cleaned like crazy. I just couldn't stop because I had so much energy! My legs are hurting because I couldn't stop!
So this is crazy!!! Tons of energy, not hungry, who is this??? :D
When we were in MD, I got 2 of the same scales for this house and the other house. The one in MD worked great. But then I got here and weighed myself 8 times and got 8 different weights. I'm all wondering if elevation would mess with my weight, but the scale was insane! So I returned it to the store and got another one. I weighed myself 3 times with that one and got 2 different weights. I think I'm going to just have to go with the first weight and hope for the best. It's not ideal but I don't know what else to do. I can't afford to plunk down $40 or more on a scale when I need 2 of them! Though it's looking like I might have to just suck it up and do that. I'll post tomorrow and let you know what the new scale says :)
Anyway, so I eat a lot. And I LOVE eating. When the doctor told me this diet was only 500 calories a day, I thought he was crazy and I'd be famished constantly. I certainly thought that the last few days.
The food I've been eating is delicious! It's simple wholesome foods. I don't mind what I'm allowed to have. It's not much, but it's yummy and I'm happy with it. There's no depressed "go eat your salad and be miserable" thing going on here.
Here's an example of my food for the day:
Breakfast - an apple
Lunch - 4 oz of shrimp and a cucumber
Snack - an orange
Dinner - 4 oz of boneless skinless chicken with broccoli
See? Yummy! And today I did some batch cooking. I portioned out bags of fresh green beans for dinner/lunches and cooked beef and flounder! Then put 4 oz of each in a container and they're all in the fridge. Hubs says that if I can stick with this positively, he'll do it in early 2015. I'm thinking I'll probably do another round because I've got a ridiculous amount to lose.
So today I was hungry at breakfast. When I ate my apple, I was fine. I wasn't hungry all day! It's great! It really made me realize how much we eat because we're bored or it's time. And it's not bored like "nothing to do" It's more bored like "well, I'm done the work, may as well eat now. And later. And in between."
The biggest thing though, where I think I'm going crazy, is that I had a TON of energy! My head is tired but my body was going and going and going. I cleaned out the pantry and reorganized it, grocery shopping, batch cooked, cooked breakfast burritos for hubby, and cleaned like crazy. I just couldn't stop because I had so much energy! My legs are hurting because I couldn't stop!
So this is crazy!!! Tons of energy, not hungry, who is this??? :D
When we were in MD, I got 2 of the same scales for this house and the other house. The one in MD worked great. But then I got here and weighed myself 8 times and got 8 different weights. I'm all wondering if elevation would mess with my weight, but the scale was insane! So I returned it to the store and got another one. I weighed myself 3 times with that one and got 2 different weights. I think I'm going to just have to go with the first weight and hope for the best. It's not ideal but I don't know what else to do. I can't afford to plunk down $40 or more on a scale when I need 2 of them! Though it's looking like I might have to just suck it up and do that. I'll post tomorrow and let you know what the new scale says :)
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Crazy dreams takin' over me!
So first things first, I weighed myself this morning after day 1 of the diet. 4 lbs gone! Woosh! Crazy! I don't feel any different but wow! Today was easier with the hunger and Dr Google says it'll be no thang by day 3-6. Here's hoping!
Something you should know about me is that I dream in technicolor and surround sound on a 3d imax screen. My dreams are INSANE and vivid. But the dream I had last night went beyond typical for me.
So in the dream there was this blonde male fugitive. He was on the run from the government for a crime he didn't commit and was completely innocent. Hubs and I KNEW we HAD to protect him because we were totally compelled by it being the right thing to do. We dropped off the kids at my in laws and went on the run with the fugitive.
The first place we stayed was an old hunting cabin in the middle of the woods. We were hiding out there and I tried to get water to drink but the water from the tap was rusty. And I kept running it but the rust wouldn't go away. So we decided to walk/drive/teleport (not sure of this one....) to a grocery store that was like Super Walmart style. We were in the parking lot and this guy in a club wagon (like the 15 seater van) noticed the fugitive and said "Hey get in, I'll drive you out of here so we can stay on the run." We didn't trust him, but we felt like we had to go with him because otherwise he'd turn in the fugitive for the one million dollar bounty.
We drove for a while and ended up in some tiny hillbilly town in Appalachia PA. We told the driver to go to the ghetto hotel and we'd stay there for the night. (my brain has a "stock image" hotel parking lot that is kind of winding and makes no sense at all. This was the same stock image) We went there and Hubs checked in using his credit card. Meanwhile I was looking at the gift shop and seeing toys and feeling sad that I might never see the kids again but completely at peace that I was doing the right thing.
After hubs paid with a credit card, the driver went off to get some food. Then Hubs, me, and the fugitive ran across town to the other hotel (thankfully a nice one because you KNOW I'm not staying in no dumpy hotel). Hubby paid in cash with a false ID at that one because we were going to throw the fbi off the trail by using the credit card at the first hotel. So we'd ditched the driver. Then I pulled hair dye out of my purse and we dyed the fugitive's hair brown and made him wear a surgical face mask with the excuse that "his immune system is compromised" so he wouldn't get recognized.
After that, I woke up. So that dream was like a whole movie! I don't know what the ending was. I hope dream me got back with the kids and that the fugitive got pardoned!
Something you should know about me is that I dream in technicolor and surround sound on a 3d imax screen. My dreams are INSANE and vivid. But the dream I had last night went beyond typical for me.
So in the dream there was this blonde male fugitive. He was on the run from the government for a crime he didn't commit and was completely innocent. Hubs and I KNEW we HAD to protect him because we were totally compelled by it being the right thing to do. We dropped off the kids at my in laws and went on the run with the fugitive.
The first place we stayed was an old hunting cabin in the middle of the woods. We were hiding out there and I tried to get water to drink but the water from the tap was rusty. And I kept running it but the rust wouldn't go away. So we decided to walk/drive/teleport (not sure of this one....) to a grocery store that was like Super Walmart style. We were in the parking lot and this guy in a club wagon (like the 15 seater van) noticed the fugitive and said "Hey get in, I'll drive you out of here so we can stay on the run." We didn't trust him, but we felt like we had to go with him because otherwise he'd turn in the fugitive for the one million dollar bounty.
We drove for a while and ended up in some tiny hillbilly town in Appalachia PA. We told the driver to go to the ghetto hotel and we'd stay there for the night. (my brain has a "stock image" hotel parking lot that is kind of winding and makes no sense at all. This was the same stock image) We went there and Hubs checked in using his credit card. Meanwhile I was looking at the gift shop and seeing toys and feeling sad that I might never see the kids again but completely at peace that I was doing the right thing.
After hubs paid with a credit card, the driver went off to get some food. Then Hubs, me, and the fugitive ran across town to the other hotel (thankfully a nice one because you KNOW I'm not staying in no dumpy hotel). Hubby paid in cash with a false ID at that one because we were going to throw the fbi off the trail by using the credit card at the first hotel. So we'd ditched the driver. Then I pulled hair dye out of my purse and we dyed the fugitive's hair brown and made him wear a surgical face mask with the excuse that "his immune system is compromised" so he wouldn't get recognized.
After that, I woke up. So that dream was like a whole movie! I don't know what the ending was. I hope dream me got back with the kids and that the fugitive got pardoned!
Monday, September 7, 2015
First day and thoughts
First day just about done. I can not wait for bed. I'm weak and FAMISHED. I drank near 100 oz of water and tea.
For breakfast I had an apple.
Lunch was 4 oz of chicken and a big cucumber.
Snack was an orange
Dinner was 4 oz of shrimp and a big handful of broccoli.
For a fat girl like me, that's painfully nothing. I'm really really tired and really really really hungry.
Hopefully tomorrow is easier. The whole day was basically killing time until I could eat again. If it doesn't get easier, I'm not sure this is going to work....
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Gorge days
The gorge days have been fun! Buffet yesterday and I may have ate my weight in clams. They have happy memories!
Today I ate my weight in pizza. I don't mind the no bread bit, but no cheese is going to hurt where it counts.... Hopefully it'll be worth it!
I took some before pictures but I'm embarrassed to share them now. I've seen lots of them online and you have to look very serious in them or they're not legit. So I tried to look all hard and serious. It's not a good look for me. The after pictures are more fun because you get to look happy. I'll post them both in about 80 days! Maybe some during pictures too. The only full length mirror is in the Baltimore house.
I've had to do the shots 2 days now. I don't handle needles well when someone else does it. So me doing it to myself? Not great. Hubs made me sit down after the first one because I was hyperventilating and he was afraid I was going to faint. Hopefully that gets easier....38 days of that left. Z said that I could use her princess band-aids. That might be inspiration for me!
Thankfully my thyroid is finally starting to be on the mend. I'm on the minimum "therapeutic dose" and I'm starting to see positive changes. I'm feeling less moody and feeling a lot more everything (which is bad too because I'm prone to random crying jags). I have slightly more energy and a bit more patience.
We all went to Sunday school at the church today. Kids liked it, I got to spend time with C. It was good. Then services started and, as usual, my anxiety attacks started. I felt like I couldn't breathe and nauseous and dizzy. So the baby and I left. I don't know why I can't handle any religious services without massive anxiety. I'm sure a therapist could poke at it and find out by I don't really want to be poked at. Instead I went to visit my cousin, L. It was great to see her and I'm not going to let so long pass in between visits!
Anyway, I'm going to go downstairs and eat more pizza before tomorrow makes my food centric self sad
Monday, August 31, 2015
Thyroid is dumb
I called my doctor today to get my levels for the antibodies or whatever they are to see if I legit have Hashimoto's. They gave me the results and I spent a while trying to find what the normal levels were because I forgot to ask them. I kept thinking I was finding the wrong normal levels because my numbers were so high that it just seemed wrong.
So, dear readers, it turns out that not only do I very much have Hashimoto's, but I am also having a hard core hypothyroid flare right now. Which means that my body is attacking itself. I can't really think clearly enough to figure out what to do but it explains a lot of what's been going on with me lately.
I think going on that crazy restrictive hcg diet will really help with the antibodies things....
To leave on a positive note, I'll post a conversation I had with L, my 10 year old, on the way to school today.
L: I think the whole world started with 2 women and 2 men. Like Adam, Eve, and their best friends.
Me: Oh? Why do you think that?
L: Because the whole world can't be related. You can't marry your sister or brother! Ew!!!
Z, 4: Nuh UH! Cuz I'm gonna marry YOU L!!!!!
So, dear readers, it turns out that not only do I very much have Hashimoto's, but I am also having a hard core hypothyroid flare right now. Which means that my body is attacking itself. I can't really think clearly enough to figure out what to do but it explains a lot of what's been going on with me lately.
I think going on that crazy restrictive hcg diet will really help with the antibodies things....
To leave on a positive note, I'll post a conversation I had with L, my 10 year old, on the way to school today.
L: I think the whole world started with 2 women and 2 men. Like Adam, Eve, and their best friends.
Me: Oh? Why do you think that?
L: Because the whole world can't be related. You can't marry your sister or brother! Ew!!!
Z, 4: Nuh UH! Cuz I'm gonna marry YOU L!!!!!
Friday, August 28, 2015
Hello interwebz!
My very first post! I'm going to try to post at least 2 or 3 times a week, but no promises!
I'm starting this blog mainly to chronicle my diet journey. It's more than a diet though. I'm doing something called the HCG Protocol. My really awesome doctor (who is actually a PA), has helped thousands of patients lose a ton of weight in a safe and healthy way. So after bemoaning to him that I work my butt off at the gym and don't lose anything, he suggested this. I'm really feeling hopeful. You have to start the diet with 2 gorge days (eat yourself sick, I got that...I really got that...food is everything!) and then you eat 500 SPECIFIC calories for the next month ish. I figure that food in western PA just aint where it's at. So I'm going to wait until we're in Baltimore to start gorge days. Because Baltimore does food right, hon! You also have to give yourself injections in your thigh. I'm not so crazy about that, but I'll try almost anything once.
I'm also going through a thyroid journey. My mother told me that when I was a teen I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's. Doing research online about hypothyroid issues and Hashi's, I found out that most doctors only medicate with synthroid. Which is fine for some people, but really really not fine for most people with Hashi's. Did you know it's NOT NORMAL to wake up tired!? Or to have nails that chip? Or to gain weight from a dream about donuts? (mmmmm what a great dream that was....) There's something with the T's and the numbers and synthroid is only one while NDT (natural desiccated thyroid - from a piggy) is all the T's. The research I've read says that many patients who are treated with just synthroid for long term often get diagnosed rapid cycling bipolar 2 because their bodies are insane. The thyroid controls EVERYTHING. Seriously. If you stub your toe, it's probably the damn thyroid. I had a doctor in Hopkins about 4 or 5 years ago and I tried to get him to give me NDT. His exact words were "It's not going to happen. It's WAY too hard to regulate." Um....what? Reading bloodwork from a form is hard? Mmmmkay. We have this new dr though and he said he doesn't like prescribing synthroid. So he actually OFFERED me NDT. I seriously started crying. Unfortunately, thyroid meds take months to get the right does. So I'm feeling better every day, but I'm not a patient person and I want it NOW!
In addition to all that crazy stuff, my hubby recently decided he's not Jewish anymore. He is now on a journey to rediscover Christianity. This came around the same time that I really started feeling completely disenfranchised with all religious anything. We've had a lot of heart to hearts and I've come to a place where I definitely believe in God or a creator. Unfortunately for other people, I don't feel like I can slap a label on myself or my beliefs so I have to use the word agnostic, even though I don't really think it fits me. Hubs went to a church in Baltimore last week and LOVED it. If I can get over my religious-services-anxiety (otherwise known as abject TERROR!) I definitely want to go with him. I have a LOT of baggage from years of Judaism and I need to figure out where I stand on anything. Christianity is so foreign to me. Not bad. Just completely different mentally, culturally, and spiritually. I used to think it was pretty similar. It's really really not.
So there we are! Those are probably the main topics that are gonna be floating around here the next few months! A journey of self discovery, weight loss, and physical/mental health! Bring it on, baby!
I'm starting this blog mainly to chronicle my diet journey. It's more than a diet though. I'm doing something called the HCG Protocol. My really awesome doctor (who is actually a PA), has helped thousands of patients lose a ton of weight in a safe and healthy way. So after bemoaning to him that I work my butt off at the gym and don't lose anything, he suggested this. I'm really feeling hopeful. You have to start the diet with 2 gorge days (eat yourself sick, I got that...I really got that...food is everything!) and then you eat 500 SPECIFIC calories for the next month ish. I figure that food in western PA just aint where it's at. So I'm going to wait until we're in Baltimore to start gorge days. Because Baltimore does food right, hon! You also have to give yourself injections in your thigh. I'm not so crazy about that, but I'll try almost anything once.
I'm also going through a thyroid journey. My mother told me that when I was a teen I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's. Doing research online about hypothyroid issues and Hashi's, I found out that most doctors only medicate with synthroid. Which is fine for some people, but really really not fine for most people with Hashi's. Did you know it's NOT NORMAL to wake up tired!? Or to have nails that chip? Or to gain weight from a dream about donuts? (mmmmm what a great dream that was....) There's something with the T's and the numbers and synthroid is only one while NDT (natural desiccated thyroid - from a piggy) is all the T's. The research I've read says that many patients who are treated with just synthroid for long term often get diagnosed rapid cycling bipolar 2 because their bodies are insane. The thyroid controls EVERYTHING. Seriously. If you stub your toe, it's probably the damn thyroid. I had a doctor in Hopkins about 4 or 5 years ago and I tried to get him to give me NDT. His exact words were "It's not going to happen. It's WAY too hard to regulate." Um....what? Reading bloodwork from a form is hard? Mmmmkay. We have this new dr though and he said he doesn't like prescribing synthroid. So he actually OFFERED me NDT. I seriously started crying. Unfortunately, thyroid meds take months to get the right does. So I'm feeling better every day, but I'm not a patient person and I want it NOW!
In addition to all that crazy stuff, my hubby recently decided he's not Jewish anymore. He is now on a journey to rediscover Christianity. This came around the same time that I really started feeling completely disenfranchised with all religious anything. We've had a lot of heart to hearts and I've come to a place where I definitely believe in God or a creator. Unfortunately for other people, I don't feel like I can slap a label on myself or my beliefs so I have to use the word agnostic, even though I don't really think it fits me. Hubs went to a church in Baltimore last week and LOVED it. If I can get over my religious-services-anxiety (otherwise known as abject TERROR!) I definitely want to go with him. I have a LOT of baggage from years of Judaism and I need to figure out where I stand on anything. Christianity is so foreign to me. Not bad. Just completely different mentally, culturally, and spiritually. I used to think it was pretty similar. It's really really not.
So there we are! Those are probably the main topics that are gonna be floating around here the next few months! A journey of self discovery, weight loss, and physical/mental health! Bring it on, baby!
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